Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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