I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
