just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
