3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
