i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
