I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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