Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize