Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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