I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can I color on your dick again?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
