somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
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Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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