yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
