$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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