I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
