i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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