windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
