Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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