Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
