if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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