Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
