I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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