ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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