We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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