So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
