fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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