oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
