You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
