I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
