Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And then he peed in my hair
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