So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
