Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
