I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
