wakey wakey hands off snakey
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You can't special order awesome
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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