Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
