So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
