I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
