Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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