She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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