i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
