I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
