I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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