Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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