I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
