as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
