And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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