I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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