why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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