This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
