bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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