Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
