he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
