You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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