Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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