I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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