upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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