we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
