Redeem this text for a blowjob
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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