I will die if light touches me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Everclear isn't food dammit
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
