I murdered the dance floor call the cops
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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