Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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