fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
