my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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