I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
