I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
