I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
