does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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