i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
