just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
