just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
