just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
