She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
