They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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