Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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