Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
